“I Want It Now!” — Understanding Tangible-Seeking Behaviours in Children
“I Want It Now!” — Understanding Tangible-Seeking Behaviors in Children
Have you ever said “no” to your child and been met with a meltdown over a toy, snack, or screen? You’re not alone — and more importantly, your child isn’t being “spoiled” or “naughty.” They might simply be exhibiting tangible-seeking behavior.
Let’s explore what this means, why it happens, and how you can respond calmly and constructively.
What Are Tangible-Seeking Behaviors?
Tangible-seeking behaviors occur when a child engages in certain actions — often disruptive — to gain access to a preferred item or activity.
Examples include:
♦ Screaming or crying for a toy at the store
♦ Hitting or throwing objects when denied a snack
♦ Grabbing someone else’s belongings
♦ Repeating the same demand (“I want the iPad!”) over and over
♦ Refusing to participate in anything unless they get a reward
It’s a form of communication - your child is saying, “I really want that, and I don’t know how else to make you give it to me.”
Why Does It Happen?
There are a few key reasons children display tangible-seeking behaviors:
♦ Impulsivity: Young children, especially those with ADHD, have difficulty delaying gratification.
♦ Learned patterns: If tantrums have worked before, they’ll try again.
♦ Limited communication: A child may lack the language or coping skills to express wants calmly.
♦ Inconsistent boundaries: If rules change depending on mood or situation, children may push limits to see what works.
This behavior isn’t about manipulation - it’s about meeting skill gaps.
Is It Really a “Need”… or Just a Want?
It’s natural to want to meet your child’s needs. But how can you tell if a behavior is based on a true need or a strong preference for a tangible?
Here are signs it may be tangible-seeking:
♦ The behavior only happens when access to a specific item is denied
♦ The child is otherwise calm but reacts instantly to a “no”
♦ Their mood changes immediately when they receive the item
♦ They try multiple ways to gain access (crying, negotiating, aggression)
♦ Understanding this helps parents respond effectively rather than emotionally.
How Can Parents Respond?
Here are key strategies:
1. Stay Calm and Consistent
Do not give in to inappropriate behavior—even if it’s hard. Consistency teaches children that only positive behavior works.
Example: “I know you want the toy. You can have it after we finish your puzzle.”
2. Teach Better Requesting Skills
Show your child how to ask nicely and praise them when they do.
“You said that so kindly! Let’s add 5 more minutes to your playtime.”
3. Offer Choices
Give your child some control to reduce power struggles.
“You can have one snack: crackers or fruit. You choose.”
4. Use Visual Schedules or Timers
This builds predictability and reduces meltdowns when transitioning away from a preferred activity.
“When the timer ends, iPad time is over. Then we clean up together.”
5. Don’t Rush to “Rescue”
If a child starts to escalate, give space and wait it out if they’re safe. Immediate rewards during meltdowns may reinforce the behavior.
When to Seek Therapy
You may benefit from professional support if:
♦ Tangible-seeking behavior includes aggression, property destruction, or self-injury
♦ It disrupts school, social, or family routines
♦ Your child struggles to accept limits even after consistent efforts
♦ You’re unsure how to set and maintain boundaries effectively
At Al Najma Center, our therapists work with children to develop clear communication, emotional regulation, and flexibility — so they can learn to ask for what they want in healthy, respectful ways.
Final Thoughts
Tangible-seeking behavior isn’t “bad”—it’s a clue. A child who is demanding toys, snacks, or devices is trying to express a desire they don’t yet know how to manage.
With the right strategies—and lots of patience—you can teach your child that good things come from calm requests, not chaos.
And remember: You don’t have to do it alone. If this pattern is affecting your home life, our team is here to support you every step of the way.
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