Have you ever noticed your child shouting louder when guests arrive? Or suddenly acting out just when you get on a phone call? While it may feel frustrating in the moment, these behaviors might actually be your child’s way of saying: “I need your attention.” Let’s explore what attention-seeking behavior really means, why it happens, and how parents can respond in a healthy, supportive way.

What Is Attention-Seeking Behavior?

Attention-seeking behavior refers to actions a child does intentionally to gain a response from parents, caregivers, teachers, or peers, even if the reaction is negative.

Some common examples include:

⇒ Constant interruptions or asking repeated questions

⇒ Fake crying or exaggerated complaints

⇒ Over-the-top silly behavior

⇒ Whining or clinginess

⇒ Hitting, shouting, or throwing things

⇒ "Acting out" when they feel ignored

Children are not being manipulative. They’re simply using the tools they know to get their emotional needs met.

Why Do Children Seek Attention?

Attention is a basic emotional need. Just like food or sleep, children crave connection and reassurance. When they feel unseen or left out - especially during moments when you're busy or distracted—they may try to regain your focus however they can.

Some underlying reasons may include

♦ Feeling left out or insecure

♦ Wanting validation or approval

♦ Copying behavior that got attention before

♦ Seeking stimulation in low-interaction environments

♦ Testing boundaries or consistency in adult reactions

Even negative attention (like scolding or shouting) can be reinforcing—because the child still gets a response.

How Can Parents Tell the Difference Between a Need and a Bid for Attention?

Sometimes, it’s tricky to know whether a child’s behavior is due to a genuine need or a desire for attention. Here’s how you can begin to differentiate:

► Genuine needs tend to be consistent, predictable, and related to real issues (hunger, sleepiness, illness, emotional upset).

► Attention-seeking behavior often happens when the child is not the focus, like when adults are busy, during sibling attention, or in group settings.

Look for patterns:

# Does the behavior escalate when they’re not being noticed?

# Does it stop quickly when you respond, even with frustration?

# Does your child seem fine until you're occupied?

How Should Parents Respond?

Here are helpful ways to approach attention-seeking behavior:

1. Stay Calm and Neutral

Avoid dramatic reactions, which may unintentionally reward the behavior. Instead, use a calm voice and body language.

2. Catch the Good Moments

Give your child positive attention when they are behaving appropriately — even for small things (“I love how you’re playing so quietly!”). This teaches them that good behavior also brings connection.

3. Build in Daily Connection Time

Set aside even 10–15 minutes of uninterrupted time with your child daily. This prevents them from having to "demand" your attention.

4. Teach Better Ways to Ask for Attention

Model phrases like, “Excuse me, can I show you something?” or, “Can we talk after your call?” Reinforce when they use these respectfully.

5. Ignore, Then Praise

If your child is whining or exaggerating just for reaction, you can use planned ignoring — calmly withhold attention until the behavior stops, then praise a more appropriate behavior.

💬 Example: Ignore a loud tantrum about a toy, but as soon as they calm down, say “Thank you for using your words. Now I can help.”

When to Seek Therapy

If attention-seeking behaviors:

Happen very frequently, disrupting home, school, or social life

Involve aggression, self-harm, or destruction

Don’t improve even with consistent parenting strategies

Seem rooted in deeper issues (anxiety, trauma, communication delay)

…it may be time to consult a professional.

At al najma, our behavior therapists work with children and families to understand why a child behaves a certain way, and build healthy communication and connection skills. We focus on teaching children that they are seen and valued — without needing to act out.

🧩 Final Thoughts

Attention-seeking isn’t a flaw — it’s a signal. As parents, your warm, consistent response can help your child feel secure and develop healthier ways to get your attention.

And remember: You don’t have to handle everything alone. We’re here to support you with tools, guidance, and therapy that fits your child’s needs and your family’s values.

Back to Blogs